Walls

Isaiah 25: 11-12 "They will spread out their hands in it, as a swimmer spreads out their hands to swim. God will bring down their pride despite the cleverness of their hands. He will bring down your high fortified walls and lay them low; he will bring them down to the ground, to the very dust."

Walls can be something we use as a defense mechanism to "protect" us, to "guard" us but they can also be used to block you in, to hold you captive, to make you a slave. I realized not too long ago that I in fact had put up a wall, a wall around my heart and although at first it was meant to protect me it had somewhat started to box me in, to cage me. And after talking to a few girlfriends I noticed they too had in fact done the same thing. And something clicked. We are walled in, not by our enemy but by ourselves.

We have taken ourselves out of the ring because of fear. It's that mentality of, "I'm gonna put a wall up so no one ever hurts me again" but in doing so you block yourself off from living life, from experiencing greatness. For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7) Yes the bible does also say to guard your heart, obviously don't go giving your heart to just anyone either, don't start dating everyone and their dog but give your heart to God, chase after Him, trust Him and ask Him to check your heart, to reveal to you those things that you haven't dealt with maybe because up until now you haven't really had to. What is it that has caused you to put up this wall? What is the root cause?

For me personally it was a confidence issue. I didn't feel confident in my own body, I wasn't happy with the way I felt, I didn't feel attractive, I didn't feel desirable, just the thought of dating someone and have them hug me or touch me freaked me out because I wasn't happy with my body. But I hadn't even realized this because for months I had put up this wall so as to not have to deal with dating. Well the question of would you be willing to go out on a date with such and such friend of mine came up recently and I panicked. I was like well why would he want to date me and then I realized whoa something is wrong, why am I even thinking this way. And it came down to a confidence issue, in order to avoid the rejection I was sure I would receive because I wasn't "fit" in my eyes I had put up a wall. And here this whole time I thought I had put up a wall just to guard my heart but once that wall was poked at I realized that wall was actually something else that was keeping me caged in. I had gone this whole time without dealing with the root of the problem. So since then I have started working on gaining my self confidence back, I started eating better, working out and asking God to help me tear the walls down. That's the thing about walls, once you see them you have a choice, will you tear them down or will you choose to remain caged. Personally, I don't want to miss out on life, on God ordained friendships and relationships because of fear and walls.

God, tear down the walls completely, show me the areas of my heart that I have allowed to be caged by fear. Help me to remain faithful to eating good and working out not because I need to be a certain size to fit with what society says women should look like but so that I can feel comfortable in my own skin and be healthy. Amen.

While I didn't actually end up going on the date with the guy my friend was trying to set me up with, I am glad that the situation poked at a wall that had actually become a cage and in doing so it has better prepared me for when God does bring that God-ordained relationship into my life. Thank you Jesus!

Love, Michelle.


Is there anything that has caged you in? Do you need to allow Him to tear down the walls?

Free

God is so beyond faithful. During the last 13 months I have been walking out a long process of forgiveness, restoration, and freedom. And today was the day He showed me I am finally done, I am free! Although I knew I was free the first day I turned to God and said, "God help me", it wasn't until today that I finally felt free. Healing is a process that has various stages, and during all of this I remember so many times thinking, God am I ever going to get over this, is this ever going to stop hurting, am I ever going to be able to let go? And I can without a shadow of a doubt say...YES, it has all gone away. I don't hurt anymore at all. I am brand-new, I am healed and it feels soooo incredibly good.

Jesus, I could never repay you for what you've done for me, for setting me free, for restoring me, for forgiving me, for making me new, for giving me the strength to not stop trusting you. And there were so many times as I was walking out this season that I would get so frustrated, I would feel like I am not making any progress, I would look back to the past and drag the pain out even longer and it would cause the pain to hurt even more but through it all I kept trusting Him. And some days that looked like me crying on my bedroom floor and praying that He would take it all away and other days it was me making decisions to not go here or not go there, to delete my facebook page, to cut friendships out of my life and just trust that He was in control; Taking one step after another. I remember having a conversation with one of my girlfriends and saying, this sucks while I'm walking through it and I just can't wait to be at that point where it doesn't hurt anymore but will that ever happen? And how will I know? And then today happened, today was when He showed me that I was in fact done. Done with this season. Done with it all.

I.AM.FREE.

And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wasn't because of anything I did, it wasn't because I'm so holy or because I pray for hours at a time, or because I'm some sort of perfect saint but because I cried out to my Father and He answered me. All because He loves me. And because He is good.

I'm free and it feels amazing. Thank you Jesus! You are faithful, You are healer, You are true, You are my everything and I am so beyond thankful.

He will do it for you too. Just don't give up no matter how hard it gets, keep trusting and keep moving forward even if it's baby steps. He is faithful.

Psalm 33:4 For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.

Michelle