Day 23

Jesus,

This week has been amazing. I have felt You so close to me, literally closer than a brother. You have been by my side, encouraging me, loving me, helping me to dream. I have loved this week. I wish weeks like this could last forever, no more dry seasons, no more lonliness. I want to be fulfilled by You and You alone, always. This weekend You told me, that Your love was pure, that Your love was better than man's because man's love is flawed. And it is, man's love hurts, it has the ability to stir wonderful emotions inside of us but it also has the ability to destroy in an instant. Your love though never changes, it isn't contingent on anything, Your love never fails, it never brings me down.

As humans we put so many limits on love, we create our own definition of love but Your word is clear on what love is.

1 Corinthians 13: Love is patient, love is kind, love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it's own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

In that description there is no place where it says love hurts, love causes you pain. Because true love, pure love, the love that You give is perfect. As humans we are flawed, oh how I wish we were more like you because then there would never be divorce, there would never be domestic abuse, there would never be hate. If we all loved like You love, it would be heaven on earth. God please help me to love like You love, to not be prideful. Please remove all pride from my heart, please wash away all my hurts, heal my heart.

Pride is the killer of love. Pride is what says I am more important, who cares about anyone else including Jesus. Your word says that You hate pride. Because of Pride there is divorce, there are hurts, there is hatred. Because of Pride we fall. I want to have a thankful spirit, not a prideful one. When you bring people into my life it's not to show them how much better I am, or how much better my life is, it's to show them who is in my life that makes it so amazing, who's love is it that makes me want to smile all the time, who's blessed me and then in that show them the way to you, to my love.

There's nothing in my life that I can be prideful about, nothing is mine brought on by my own doing, everything is a gift from You. If I ever think of myself as better than others show me God, stop me and remind me that I am nothing but a sinner saved by Your grace and love. It's not by anything I did, but by Your perfect love that I am alive. Thank you for never giving up on me. I love you Jesus!

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

Day 18

By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. Phillippians 3:13-14 (The Message)

Jesus,

I am now almost a month into this new season of change and honestly I feel like I'm running but my tank is running on low. This week has been quite exhausting to say the least. I'm thankful that my dad is alive, and I'm thankful for my job but it seems like both of these things have run me ragged this week. I've been getting a lot of sleep because my body is physically worn-out but emotionally and spiritually I'm almost empty. I need you Jesus. Like the scripture says, I'm off and running and by no means do I wanna turn back, I just need a boost of energy from you Jesus.

It's like running, in the first couple of minutes it's not that bad, then about 15 minutes into it it starts to hurts and honestly from that first 15 minutes to the next 30 it feels like I can't go on, like I can't catch my breath, everything hurts but then after about 45 minutes I finally catch my stride and I feel like I could run forever. That's how I feel right now, like okay the first week this was fine, I was good, me and you were running this race and we were off to a good start. But now about 3 weeks into it, I feel like my world is crashing down, I feel dry, I feel lonely, I feel overwhelmed and defeated.

Exodus 15:2 says, The Lord is my strength and my song. You are my strength Jesus and the only way I will be able to finish this race is if you help me, if you lead me, if you take over. I know this week I haven't spent time with you, I've been trying to do all of this in my own strength and I realize I can't. I can't take another step if it's not with you. Refresh me Lord, take me by the hand, speak your words of encouragement to my soul, remind me of why I'm doing this, it's for us. Me and you Jesus.

Wash over me Jesus, remove all the junk, all the stress, anxiety, worry, lonliness and replace it with your love and your peace. I need you to hold me close when I'm feeling alone, I need to feel you there to dry all my tears, I need you God. For so long I have had that tangibly through Cesar. Anytime I felt sad, stressed, lonely, grumpy, whatever he was there, his arms were the ones I would run to and they would wrap me up and make me feel better. But now I run into your arms daddy, I don't have that security anymore from Cesar, I rest in you only. And I'm not gonna lie, it's hard daddy, not because I don't love you and dont want to run into your arms but because I'm so accustomed to having tangible arms around me. I miss him Jesus and going through this season without him has been hard. But I know you have a plan. And I know you love me and want to show me that during this season. I need to know that you love me God, I need to feel it now more than ever.

This weekend is yours, still me and speak to me, let me see through your eyes the road ahead, show me the next steps to take, light my path and never let go of my hand. I trust you, I love you, I rest in you. Thank you for your peace Jesus, thank you that your are working on my heart right now as I type this, thank you daddy.

This season is different, the path is uphill and rocky but with you I can do all things. Be with Cesar this season Jesus, give him strength when he is running low, give him encouragement when he feels defeated and give him a blast of your love everyday. I love you Jesus.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole.

Day 14

You must give up your right to decide what is good and evil on your own terms. To do that you must know me enought to trust me and learn to rest in my inherent goodness. - The Shack


Jesus,

When I read that statement tonight as I was reading "The Shack" it reminded me how there really is no good and evil in the grand scheme of things, at least from your point of view. That's not to say there aren't bad things that happen in this world, it just means that what we can sometimes call bad or evil, you have the ability to turn it all around for the good. Yes bad things have happened in my life, things that I would rather not go through again, I have had hurts, I have cried, I have wanted to desperately run away from things but I have come to realize that although at the time it seems unbearable in retrospect you turned it around for my good.

This season has had it's challenges. I have cried, I have wanted to scream, I have wanted to run away but I believe that one day I will look back and realize that even though this hurts it's gonna be an amazing part of my testimony. You will use this time in my life as a way for me to understand others and encourage them.

But I don't wanna stay in this season God. Tonight Pastor Joe talked about moving forward and how if we want you to help us move forward we have to be willing to allow you to change us first. God, I am open to you, I am open to your change. I will admit I normally despise change, I like the familiar and change always moves you out of the familiar and into the unknown. But I have also heard that change happens when it hurts more to stay where you're at than to move forward.

And that's exactly where I'm at. Jesus, I ask that you would please help me to navigate through this season and not let me be here for 40 years when it should only take 11 days. Shield me from all attacks of the enemy, protect my mind, protect my heart. Be my encourager when the rest of the world tries to tear me down, me my husband and hide me under your wing. I love you and I rest in you.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole.

Day 13

Jesus,

I hurt. Come rescue me. I need you. Why do I hurt so bad? Why won't these tears stop flowing? Why can't I quit and just be with you?

You are the King of kings, your are the Lord of lords and you're my father. I am your princess Jesus but why don't I feel like one. Why am I not treated like one? There's so many questions in my heart Jesus. But my value doesn't come from how I am treated by those around me, I know it comes from you. Please come to my rescue Jesus, hide me under your wing, put a sheild of protection around me and take me away, far far away with you. Operate on my heart Jesus because it's broken again. I rest in you daddy.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

Day 11

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." - Colossians 3:2

Jesus,

You see me, even though I am one in a million on this globe, you see me, you notice me, you care about me. When I think of how big the globe is and how when you look at earth from space, I am smaller than the size of an ant. To the human eye looking at the globe from afar in space a person would seem insignificant in size to the rest of the world, to the mountains, the oceans, the land but to you I am significant. To think you created all those huge things that can be seen from space just so I could see the beauty of your work. You created all those things for my pleasure, for me to enjoy. It amazes me how much you care and love each individual person on this globe.

When I think of it in terms that I could understand it's like if I were to go outside and find an ant and be interested in its day, in what its doing, so much so that I would take care of it and protect it. That to me would seem pointless, why would I care so much about an ant when I have so many other things going on, yet you see me who is smaller than an ant in comparison with the whole globe and you care about me, love me, protect me and get into my world. The way you love us, your creation is amazing! You truly do care about every person on this globe, even those currently sinning and away from you. You love us even before we love you, you chose us even though we don't always chose. Thank you God for loving me.

For I know that I don't belong in this world, I belong in heaven and one day I will go back there. But for now help me to have your perspective, to see those around me, to notice the small seemingly insignificant things, to notice those that you notice. Help me to set my mind on things above and not earthly things. To not be so wrapped up in my world, but to look outside myself through your eyes, to see the "ants", the little things that to me might not seem important but that to you are.

Jesus, your glorious, your lovely, your mine and I am yours, I love you. Thank you that even when my schedule is busy and work is consuming so much of my time you can still me and remind me of what really is important. Yes the work that I do is important, yes I should work as unto you but you remind me to never lose sight of what you see, to never grow so busy that I don't stop to see those around me that you have placed around me to be Jesus to. Break this heart of mine and make it sensitive to you, that I would move when you move, that I would speak when you want to say something to someone, that I would respond to what you are trying to do. Don't ever let me get so busy that I stop being the light that you have called me to be, because outside of that all this is but a vapor. I love you Jesus.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole.

Day 8

Jesus

My co-worker is going through some things and while I know that you can help her and save her I find myself at a loss for words at times. In retrospect I always know I could have said more about you, I could have done more, I could have prayed for her, I could have seized the moment. My mom always seems to just have all these scriptures that I could say or whatever but I don't know, a lot of times that turns me off to the word. I wll hear her get so gung-ho about the word that I totally shut down. I don't wanna do that to people.

Not to discredit my mom's ministry at all Jesus, I know that you have used my mom in a mighty way to minister to those around her including me at times. But you have created me different, you have made me with a different personality, a different mindset, a different approach to reaching out to the lost. But in that though I don't want to be too quiet that those around me don't know you. I don't want to be too scared to say too much about you because really you are the only one that can help Amy. You do love her and have a plan for her life just like mine.

God, please guide me and give me the words to say at the right time. Show her how much you love her through me. I pray that when I speak to her it would be your words Jesus, I pray that when I hug her she would feel your love. Remove all fear that may try and get me to shut my mouth and not talk about you. Save Amy, Jesus.

Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Jesus, the desire of my heart is that Amy would be saved. Use me God. I love you.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

Day 7

Jesus,

Today I fell in love. Today my heart was awakened to a love that I had been longing for, a love that gives you butterflies in your stomach, that makes you smile so big, that makes you giggle in excitement and overwhelming joy. Today my whole world became a whole lot brighter....because of Love.

Today I felt girly, I felt adored, I felt chosen, I felt like I was your favorite. Today was the start of a beautiful new realtionship, a relationship that will never be taken away, a relationship that I was always meant to have, that has been in my heart forever...I was just asleep to it.

It's funny how when your in love everything is so much better. It's as if all your senses are that much more heightened, you feel deeper things, you love others more, you have greater compassion, you laugh harder, you smile...all the time, you feel like your floating on a cloud, like nothing could ever go wrong.

I loved geeking out with you today. I loved worshipping you today for who you are, for being mine, and for chosing me to be yours. I love our inside jokes, I love how even though everyone else was worshipping you, you only had eyes for me. You made me feel like I was the only one in the room. I adore you Jesus. I love being yours.

You chose me, you love me, you romance me, you make me laugh so hard, you get me, you surprise me, you never leave me, you encourage me, your what I've always wanted and yet thought I could only get in a human.

This next year of my life is yours and only yours. My status is...in a relationship :) I love you.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole