Restoration

Jesus,


Recently, I read two articles about infidelity within marriage and how you restored both relationships. I read one where the husband had cheated and I read one where the wife had cheated and in both there You were, leading them back to You, restoring them. I can never even begin to imagine what that must be like but I do understand restoration.


Restoration defined is restitution of something taken away or lost. But that's not the God that you are, you don't just restore something back to it's original status you restore to better than it's original status. With Bathsheba, she was an adultress, because of her actions her husband was killed, she had an illegitimate child and yet You restored her. Not only did You forgive her, but You made her a woman of honor, who raised her children to love You. You made her son, specifically her son over all the other wives' sons King. You restored her and placed her in the lineage of Christ. Her life after You restored her was far better than her original condition.

Both couples that I read about that suffered infidelity, You restored their marriages to better than before. You made them stronger, more passionate, and able to help others because of it. Jesus, You aren't the one who brings these horrible circumstance, no we definitely bring them on ourselves, but You do in fact turn them all around for the good.

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"

Jesus, thank You that you have already begun to restore parts of my life that were so beyond jacked. You are making all things new. I remember You telling me that You were going to make all things new but at the time I didn't really know how. I even tried to do it in my own strength but obviously failed miserably. But it was when I surrendered to You, that You in turn began to restore me, restore parts of my life that honestly I begun to feel were hopeless. You have turned anger into love, confusion and frustration into peace, indifference into compassion, and doubt and fear into hope. You have indeed turned everything around.

But that's not it, I want restoration in all area's of my life. I want restoration in my relationship with my dad. God, I want to have my dad in my life, I want him to show me his love, to be an active part of my life, daily. I know that You are going to save my dad and I will spend eternity in Heaven, but I also know that You are more than able to restore our relationship while we're here on earth too. Jesus, Your word says that we have not because we ask not. Well, I am asking for restoration with my dad.

Jesus, restore to me the dreams that I let go of, that I walked away from. Ignite that passion in my heart again. Restore the desires that You placed in my heart. Human trafficking is something that grieves my heart so much, innocent lives being tortured is NOT okay. Jesus, I pray restoration for the victims of these horrible acts of violence. I have read that sometimes when these girls are rescued that it takes a lot of counseling to completely set their minds free from that slave mentality. Jesus, I pray that You would restore them...NOW. That everywhere in the world where a person has been rescued from this crime that You would restore them. Everything that the enemy stole from them, their innocence, their joy, their freedom, their entire lives, that you would restore them. I pray that those who are still enslaved, that You would send people, send me to rescue them. God, it's not okay what's happening to these children, it not okay. And while I write this, I am stirred, I am grieved and angered that someone could do that to another human. God I don't know how and I don't know what to do but I want to help.

You just answered my prayer, Jesus. I began the last paragraph asking You to restore dreams and re-ignite passion in my heart for the things that stir You and I finished the paragraph in tears for victims of human trafficking. Jesus, thank you. Thank you for restoring me. I don't consider myself to have arrived and to be perfect, but I know that You are causing a change and it's already begun. Thank you. Thank You that You are a God who takes the broken things and gives them value. You take the low and lift them high. You save.

I love you Jesus. And I am new :)

Day 29

"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, nor harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earning she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the day to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and called her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate." - Proverbs 31: 10-3


Jesus,

The woman described in Proverbs 31 is a woman of character, a woman with confidence, strength, beauty, she is loved, she is hardworking, she loves the Lord and is greatly loved by her family. Lord so many times in my heart I have longed for a family, for a husband, for children but have I ever really longed for the character to maintain my family that I so desire. Tonight as I typed this scripture, I began to have a new prayer. Jesus, I want to be like the Proverbs 31 woman. I want to be a woman of character, a woman that fears the Lord. My life right now consists of one relationship and that is with you Jesus. Please teach me how to be faithful in my words, in my actions, to be consistent and not tossed back and forth by emotion. I want to be a woman so grounded in you that no matter what comes my way I am not thrown off course.

To be a wife is a huge responsibility. It will require everything of me. It will expose my heart for what it really is and when that time comes Jesus I want to be able to stand pure of heart and pure in actions before my husband. Show me how to love, show me where my heart needs cleaning, where the hurts still aren't completely healed, where the bruises of my ego are and help me to allow you to heal them. Heal them with your loving kindness, restore my confidence, restore my purity, my innocence. Give me a heart of a child, a heart that always sees the best in others, a heart that fights for truth, that will not stand for anything less than complete integrity.

Thank you for not answering my prayers for a husband and family before I was ready. Thank you for opening my eyes and shifting my focus. I know that currently I don't always react in the best way. When someone hurts me I'm not always good at turning the other cheek and choosing to see the best in that person. I have made countless mistakes, said words I wish I could take back and for that Lord I ask that you please forgive me. Change my way of thinking Jesus, change the way I react, take control of my emotions. Teach me self -control, how to be disciplined, how to love without ever shutting if off. I should never have to shut-down, I should never have to run-away, that's not how you created me. You taught me on the cross that even when you are persecuted, when you are attacked to always stay positive, forgive, and have compassion. God, begin to mold me into that kind of woman. I am clay in your hands God, and while I know that when we get on the potter's wheel and allow you to begin to change things it's not always comfortable, in the end there's always a masterpiece. I want to be your masterpiece.

I know this is going to cause some changes in the people I surround myself with, Lord begin to move people out and bring others in, people who will push me forward, who will model integrity, humility, forgiveness, compassion. Bring teachers into my life, mentors. I need a make-over from the inside out. I step onto the potter's wheel tonight and ask that you begin a work in me. Prepare me.

Amen.

Love,
Michelle Nicole.

Day 23

Jesus,

This week has been amazing. I have felt You so close to me, literally closer than a brother. You have been by my side, encouraging me, loving me, helping me to dream. I have loved this week. I wish weeks like this could last forever, no more dry seasons, no more lonliness. I want to be fulfilled by You and You alone, always. This weekend You told me, that Your love was pure, that Your love was better than man's because man's love is flawed. And it is, man's love hurts, it has the ability to stir wonderful emotions inside of us but it also has the ability to destroy in an instant. Your love though never changes, it isn't contingent on anything, Your love never fails, it never brings me down.

As humans we put so many limits on love, we create our own definition of love but Your word is clear on what love is.

1 Corinthians 13: Love is patient, love is kind, love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it's own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

In that description there is no place where it says love hurts, love causes you pain. Because true love, pure love, the love that You give is perfect. As humans we are flawed, oh how I wish we were more like you because then there would never be divorce, there would never be domestic abuse, there would never be hate. If we all loved like You love, it would be heaven on earth. God please help me to love like You love, to not be prideful. Please remove all pride from my heart, please wash away all my hurts, heal my heart.

Pride is the killer of love. Pride is what says I am more important, who cares about anyone else including Jesus. Your word says that You hate pride. Because of Pride there is divorce, there are hurts, there is hatred. Because of Pride we fall. I want to have a thankful spirit, not a prideful one. When you bring people into my life it's not to show them how much better I am, or how much better my life is, it's to show them who is in my life that makes it so amazing, who's love is it that makes me want to smile all the time, who's blessed me and then in that show them the way to you, to my love.

There's nothing in my life that I can be prideful about, nothing is mine brought on by my own doing, everything is a gift from You. If I ever think of myself as better than others show me God, stop me and remind me that I am nothing but a sinner saved by Your grace and love. It's not by anything I did, but by Your perfect love that I am alive. Thank you for never giving up on me. I love you Jesus!

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

Day 18

By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. Phillippians 3:13-14 (The Message)

Jesus,

I am now almost a month into this new season of change and honestly I feel like I'm running but my tank is running on low. This week has been quite exhausting to say the least. I'm thankful that my dad is alive, and I'm thankful for my job but it seems like both of these things have run me ragged this week. I've been getting a lot of sleep because my body is physically worn-out but emotionally and spiritually I'm almost empty. I need you Jesus. Like the scripture says, I'm off and running and by no means do I wanna turn back, I just need a boost of energy from you Jesus.

It's like running, in the first couple of minutes it's not that bad, then about 15 minutes into it it starts to hurts and honestly from that first 15 minutes to the next 30 it feels like I can't go on, like I can't catch my breath, everything hurts but then after about 45 minutes I finally catch my stride and I feel like I could run forever. That's how I feel right now, like okay the first week this was fine, I was good, me and you were running this race and we were off to a good start. But now about 3 weeks into it, I feel like my world is crashing down, I feel dry, I feel lonely, I feel overwhelmed and defeated.

Exodus 15:2 says, The Lord is my strength and my song. You are my strength Jesus and the only way I will be able to finish this race is if you help me, if you lead me, if you take over. I know this week I haven't spent time with you, I've been trying to do all of this in my own strength and I realize I can't. I can't take another step if it's not with you. Refresh me Lord, take me by the hand, speak your words of encouragement to my soul, remind me of why I'm doing this, it's for us. Me and you Jesus.

Wash over me Jesus, remove all the junk, all the stress, anxiety, worry, lonliness and replace it with your love and your peace. I need you to hold me close when I'm feeling alone, I need to feel you there to dry all my tears, I need you God. For so long I have had that tangibly through Cesar. Anytime I felt sad, stressed, lonely, grumpy, whatever he was there, his arms were the ones I would run to and they would wrap me up and make me feel better. But now I run into your arms daddy, I don't have that security anymore from Cesar, I rest in you only. And I'm not gonna lie, it's hard daddy, not because I don't love you and dont want to run into your arms but because I'm so accustomed to having tangible arms around me. I miss him Jesus and going through this season without him has been hard. But I know you have a plan. And I know you love me and want to show me that during this season. I need to know that you love me God, I need to feel it now more than ever.

This weekend is yours, still me and speak to me, let me see through your eyes the road ahead, show me the next steps to take, light my path and never let go of my hand. I trust you, I love you, I rest in you. Thank you for your peace Jesus, thank you that your are working on my heart right now as I type this, thank you daddy.

This season is different, the path is uphill and rocky but with you I can do all things. Be with Cesar this season Jesus, give him strength when he is running low, give him encouragement when he feels defeated and give him a blast of your love everyday. I love you Jesus.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole.

Day 14

You must give up your right to decide what is good and evil on your own terms. To do that you must know me enought to trust me and learn to rest in my inherent goodness. - The Shack


Jesus,

When I read that statement tonight as I was reading "The Shack" it reminded me how there really is no good and evil in the grand scheme of things, at least from your point of view. That's not to say there aren't bad things that happen in this world, it just means that what we can sometimes call bad or evil, you have the ability to turn it all around for the good. Yes bad things have happened in my life, things that I would rather not go through again, I have had hurts, I have cried, I have wanted to desperately run away from things but I have come to realize that although at the time it seems unbearable in retrospect you turned it around for my good.

This season has had it's challenges. I have cried, I have wanted to scream, I have wanted to run away but I believe that one day I will look back and realize that even though this hurts it's gonna be an amazing part of my testimony. You will use this time in my life as a way for me to understand others and encourage them.

But I don't wanna stay in this season God. Tonight Pastor Joe talked about moving forward and how if we want you to help us move forward we have to be willing to allow you to change us first. God, I am open to you, I am open to your change. I will admit I normally despise change, I like the familiar and change always moves you out of the familiar and into the unknown. But I have also heard that change happens when it hurts more to stay where you're at than to move forward.

And that's exactly where I'm at. Jesus, I ask that you would please help me to navigate through this season and not let me be here for 40 years when it should only take 11 days. Shield me from all attacks of the enemy, protect my mind, protect my heart. Be my encourager when the rest of the world tries to tear me down, me my husband and hide me under your wing. I love you and I rest in you.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole.

Day 13

Jesus,

I hurt. Come rescue me. I need you. Why do I hurt so bad? Why won't these tears stop flowing? Why can't I quit and just be with you?

You are the King of kings, your are the Lord of lords and you're my father. I am your princess Jesus but why don't I feel like one. Why am I not treated like one? There's so many questions in my heart Jesus. But my value doesn't come from how I am treated by those around me, I know it comes from you. Please come to my rescue Jesus, hide me under your wing, put a sheild of protection around me and take me away, far far away with you. Operate on my heart Jesus because it's broken again. I rest in you daddy.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

Day 11

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." - Colossians 3:2

Jesus,

You see me, even though I am one in a million on this globe, you see me, you notice me, you care about me. When I think of how big the globe is and how when you look at earth from space, I am smaller than the size of an ant. To the human eye looking at the globe from afar in space a person would seem insignificant in size to the rest of the world, to the mountains, the oceans, the land but to you I am significant. To think you created all those huge things that can be seen from space just so I could see the beauty of your work. You created all those things for my pleasure, for me to enjoy. It amazes me how much you care and love each individual person on this globe.

When I think of it in terms that I could understand it's like if I were to go outside and find an ant and be interested in its day, in what its doing, so much so that I would take care of it and protect it. That to me would seem pointless, why would I care so much about an ant when I have so many other things going on, yet you see me who is smaller than an ant in comparison with the whole globe and you care about me, love me, protect me and get into my world. The way you love us, your creation is amazing! You truly do care about every person on this globe, even those currently sinning and away from you. You love us even before we love you, you chose us even though we don't always chose. Thank you God for loving me.

For I know that I don't belong in this world, I belong in heaven and one day I will go back there. But for now help me to have your perspective, to see those around me, to notice the small seemingly insignificant things, to notice those that you notice. Help me to set my mind on things above and not earthly things. To not be so wrapped up in my world, but to look outside myself through your eyes, to see the "ants", the little things that to me might not seem important but that to you are.

Jesus, your glorious, your lovely, your mine and I am yours, I love you. Thank you that even when my schedule is busy and work is consuming so much of my time you can still me and remind me of what really is important. Yes the work that I do is important, yes I should work as unto you but you remind me to never lose sight of what you see, to never grow so busy that I don't stop to see those around me that you have placed around me to be Jesus to. Break this heart of mine and make it sensitive to you, that I would move when you move, that I would speak when you want to say something to someone, that I would respond to what you are trying to do. Don't ever let me get so busy that I stop being the light that you have called me to be, because outside of that all this is but a vapor. I love you Jesus.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole.