Jesus,
I have a dream in my heart that is bigger than me. A dream that was implanted in my heart before the beginning of time. You wrote this dream in the story of my life. You created me with this dream in mind and laid out the plan for my life to fulfill that dream.
Psalm 139:16 "Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
It's a dream that I could have never created on my own, nor will I ever accomplish it on my own. But it's not up to me to make it happen, it's only up to me to be willing and available to Your will. I remember the day you revealed this dream to me, this amazing plan, this incredible blessing.
It was 2006, I was 23 years old and doing Master's Commission. It was late afternoon, I was laying in bed, reading my bible and journaling and praying when all of a sudden it was like I was watching a movie. You revealed to me every intricate detail of this dream in my heart and in my mind. My degree all of a sudden made sense. The ministry that I was serving in all of a sudden made sense. It was like this huge a-ha moment for me. You the creator of the universe had revealed to me the dreams of your heart that you had created for me to accomplish on this earth.
It's now been 3 years since that dream and while I'm no where near accomplishing my dream I understand that it's a process. It's so much bigger than me. And while I don't know when it will come to pass, and I definitely don't know how since well, I don't have the resources for it, I know that in your timing it will happen.
Mother of Nations, that was a word that was spoken over my life a long time ago.
Mother literally means a woman who holds a position of authority or responsibility, a female that creates, nurtures and protects.
That's huge God. Huge. And that's not even the dream. It's the authority and responsiblity you have given me to accomplish the dream. God, make me a woman that can handle the dream you have placed in my heart.
Make me mother to those around me that need me. That I would nurture and encourage the broken around me. That I would protect those who the enemy is trying to devour. Lord, you have given me authority to trample the enemy.
Luke 10:19 "I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you."
The dream is bigger than me. But it's not bigger than the dream-giver. Nothing happens in just one day, dreams are a process. Let me not lose hope during the process. Surround me with people who will encourage me along the process and who will stand up next to me and pray for me when I get weak. Open my heart and make it responsive to your word, to the strengthening word of those around me who you have entrusted me to. Never let me want to go my own way. Never let me think that this is done by my hand. But by You and You alone Jesus.
Prepare me. Rip my heart wide open and clean it. Remove pride, doubt, fear. Break me. And break anything in me that would stand in your way.
I trust you.
Amen.
Michelle Nicole
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
You live and you learn
This year I turned 27. Another year closer to 30 and to be honest I like it. It's crazy how it feels like a literal light switch just flipped on in my head, I've been thinking more about saving money to purchase a house or a condo in the next 2 years. I've come to realize that for a long time I thought like a child. I hardly ever wanted to take responsibility for my actions. But as I grow older I've come to the conclusion that I am responsible for my actions.
1 Corinthians 13:11, "When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things."
I'm not perfect, I still have my moments. Like this past week for example, I managed to overdraft my account 3 times in one day, which ended up costing me $84.00 in fee's alone. Ugh! My friend's suggested I call the bank and demand to have the fee's taken off and in the past I might have, I might have thrown a fit, I might have yelled just long enough to have them cave and remove the fee's but honestly it was my fault. So I paid the fee's and sucked it up. You live and you learn. And guess what I will be doing a lot more of now, checking my account balance, knowing how much money I have in the bank before making purchases.
Life does that to us. A life well lived, is a life full of amazing experiences, lessons learned and lives impacted. It's as if though my teens and early twenties were where I made all my bad decisions and now the amazing pay-off is I've learned some great life lessons. I've made lemonade out of my lemons :)
Life is too short.
James 4:14, "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."
My friend Becca wrote me this concerning getting closer to turning 30 and I couldn't agree more. She said:
I think now is the time when you start looking at yourself with so much more respect based on all the things you’ve done and all the wonderful people in your life. In our 20’s we’re just starting to have those life experiences that actually teach us what kind of people we want to be.
She literally took the words right out of my heart.
Jesus,
Please help me and guide me to live my life as a life that I can look back on years from now and say that my life was a life well lived. I want to love others with passion, I want to love myself with even more passion, and I want to be so consumed with You that I never live a second with regret. That I never look back and wish I had done more. I want to spend myself everyday being you here on this earth. Please help me to be responsible, to see the lesson in each mistake made and to be a better person for it. In this life I know that I will have trouble but help me to see the good in it all. To realize that in every storm there always comes sunshine afterwards. Thank you for never letting go of my hand on this great adventure I call life :) I love you!
Amen.
Michelle Nicole
1 Corinthians 13:11, "When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things."
I'm not perfect, I still have my moments. Like this past week for example, I managed to overdraft my account 3 times in one day, which ended up costing me $84.00 in fee's alone. Ugh! My friend's suggested I call the bank and demand to have the fee's taken off and in the past I might have, I might have thrown a fit, I might have yelled just long enough to have them cave and remove the fee's but honestly it was my fault. So I paid the fee's and sucked it up. You live and you learn. And guess what I will be doing a lot more of now, checking my account balance, knowing how much money I have in the bank before making purchases.
Life does that to us. A life well lived, is a life full of amazing experiences, lessons learned and lives impacted. It's as if though my teens and early twenties were where I made all my bad decisions and now the amazing pay-off is I've learned some great life lessons. I've made lemonade out of my lemons :)
Life is too short.
James 4:14, "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."
My friend Becca wrote me this concerning getting closer to turning 30 and I couldn't agree more. She said:
I think now is the time when you start looking at yourself with so much more respect based on all the things you’ve done and all the wonderful people in your life. In our 20’s we’re just starting to have those life experiences that actually teach us what kind of people we want to be.
She literally took the words right out of my heart.
Jesus,
Please help me and guide me to live my life as a life that I can look back on years from now and say that my life was a life well lived. I want to love others with passion, I want to love myself with even more passion, and I want to be so consumed with You that I never live a second with regret. That I never look back and wish I had done more. I want to spend myself everyday being you here on this earth. Please help me to be responsible, to see the lesson in each mistake made and to be a better person for it. In this life I know that I will have trouble but help me to see the good in it all. To realize that in every storm there always comes sunshine afterwards. Thank you for never letting go of my hand on this great adventure I call life :) I love you!
Amen.
Michelle Nicole
Friday, April 16, 2010
Forgiveness
Forgiveness isn't easy. Forgiveness isn't something that comes natural. The world conditions us to think that revenge, holding a grudge, having unforgiveness is just. That by you forgiving someone you're basically saying that what that person did was okay. When someone hurts you it's not just, it's not okay but that doesn't ever give you the right to not forgive.
Luke 6:37 "Forgive and you will be forgiven."
There are so many times where I have needed forgiveness and Jesus has always given it so freely. Even the times when I knew better, where the sin was very intentional, He still forgave me. Yet when it comes to other people hurting us, choosing to forgive can be so incredibly hard. My blog friend Sarah Markely twittered this today: "Forgiveness is a lifestyle." And it really made me think. She's right, forgiveness is a lifestyle. It's not something that we can do sometimes or only under certain circumstances, no it's something that needs to be so ingrained that it's second nature to forgive. Second nature to think the best, to not allow someone else's choices and decisions to control your life. People will let you down, we're human and humans are not perfect at all but if you choose to be a person that forgives easily you'll find that disappointments aren't that bad. You extend grace to others, you have peace. Nothing really shakes you.
Last year was literally one of the hardest years of my life. There were times when I felt like my life was over, my joy was never going to come back. I was full of so much hurt, resentment and anger for a long time. And I actually felt like I was justified in thinking that way. I didn't want to forgive. I was mad at God because I felt like He wasn't helping me, like He had lied to me, I was mad at people who I felt had caused me this hurt, this pain. It took me about 8 months to finally forgive. And it wasn't easy. I found myself having to forgive the people that hurt me everyday, over and over in my head because thoughts would come back and I'd get angry all over again. I would find out something and it would hurt me all over again and I'd get angry. And then I'd cry and ask God to help me, I'd tell him I didn't want to be bitter, I wanted to be free, I wanted to be happy again and all I would hear is forgive. Forgiveness is a choice. You can choose to be bitter or you can choose to forgive.
Deuteronomy 30:19 "This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live."
Choose life. It's a choice. In the bible it talks about Bathsheba. Bathsheba was married to Uriah and while he was at war, King David saw Bathsheba bathing on her rooftop and felt that he had to have her. So he sent his guards to get her and he slept with her and got her pregnant. Then to top things off he had her husband killed in order to cover up his sin and then after that her son, the one that she was pregnant with was born but died shortly there after. All this happened in the span of a year or two. So if anyone had the right to be angry, to have unforgiveness it would be Bathsheba. Angry at David, angry at God, angry at the situation that was brought upon her, the hand that was dealt to her. She hadn't asked for this to happen to her, she hadn't sought out the king. Yet she trusted God, she cried out to Him and she forgave. She raised her son Solomon to love the Lord, she loved the Lord with all her heart and she served King David as her husband. She didn't harbor bitterness or unforgiveness. It is said that the Proverbs 31 woman was written by Solomon about Bathsheba.
Proverbs 31:29-31 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."
Bathsheba made the choice to forgive. She choose to allow God to work through the circumstances in her life, to make her stronger, to increase her faith, to bring Him glory. Her story is told now over 2000 years later because of the lifestyle of forgiveness that she lived.
After I made the decision to forgive those who had hurt me, He healed my heart, my hurts and restored my joy. Restored my peace. Restored my hope. He restored my ability to love. I can now see those that hurt me and see them through eyes of forgiveness. And it feels so good. I have peace that is unshaken. I have love for them. I can genuinely desire nothing but the best for them.
Through that season of "death" He brought me out of it so much stronger. I can look back on that time in my life and be thankful because it caused me to grow, to change, to rest in Him and be found in Him. And I know for a fact that had I not forgiven, I would still be in that valley of death now.
He is faithful, when we forgive, He will move on our behalf. He will restore all that was lost and some. I have more peace now that I ever have. I have more joy than I ever have. I laugh more, I live passionately. I extend mercy and grace when in the past I would have written people off and harbored unforgiveness.
Forgiveness is never about the other person, it's about you. I realized just because you don't forgive someone it doesn't cause that person to feel pain, it doesn't cause them to all of a sudden stop hurting you(if anything that usually increases), it doesn't hold them back. It affects you and you alone. And worst of all, it separates you from God. Choose to forgive and trust that no matter what, no matter how bad it hurts, God is still God and He is still in control. He fights for you. Although the battle rages, it's not your battle, it's His. Unforgiveness says I'm in control but forgiveness says He's in control.
Forgiveness is not only a lifestyle...it's MY lifestyle.
Thank you Jesus! I love you!
Michelle Nicole.
Luke 6:37 "Forgive and you will be forgiven."
There are so many times where I have needed forgiveness and Jesus has always given it so freely. Even the times when I knew better, where the sin was very intentional, He still forgave me. Yet when it comes to other people hurting us, choosing to forgive can be so incredibly hard. My blog friend Sarah Markely twittered this today: "Forgiveness is a lifestyle." And it really made me think. She's right, forgiveness is a lifestyle. It's not something that we can do sometimes or only under certain circumstances, no it's something that needs to be so ingrained that it's second nature to forgive. Second nature to think the best, to not allow someone else's choices and decisions to control your life. People will let you down, we're human and humans are not perfect at all but if you choose to be a person that forgives easily you'll find that disappointments aren't that bad. You extend grace to others, you have peace. Nothing really shakes you.
Last year was literally one of the hardest years of my life. There were times when I felt like my life was over, my joy was never going to come back. I was full of so much hurt, resentment and anger for a long time. And I actually felt like I was justified in thinking that way. I didn't want to forgive. I was mad at God because I felt like He wasn't helping me, like He had lied to me, I was mad at people who I felt had caused me this hurt, this pain. It took me about 8 months to finally forgive. And it wasn't easy. I found myself having to forgive the people that hurt me everyday, over and over in my head because thoughts would come back and I'd get angry all over again. I would find out something and it would hurt me all over again and I'd get angry. And then I'd cry and ask God to help me, I'd tell him I didn't want to be bitter, I wanted to be free, I wanted to be happy again and all I would hear is forgive. Forgiveness is a choice. You can choose to be bitter or you can choose to forgive.
Deuteronomy 30:19 "This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live."
Choose life. It's a choice. In the bible it talks about Bathsheba. Bathsheba was married to Uriah and while he was at war, King David saw Bathsheba bathing on her rooftop and felt that he had to have her. So he sent his guards to get her and he slept with her and got her pregnant. Then to top things off he had her husband killed in order to cover up his sin and then after that her son, the one that she was pregnant with was born but died shortly there after. All this happened in the span of a year or two. So if anyone had the right to be angry, to have unforgiveness it would be Bathsheba. Angry at David, angry at God, angry at the situation that was brought upon her, the hand that was dealt to her. She hadn't asked for this to happen to her, she hadn't sought out the king. Yet she trusted God, she cried out to Him and she forgave. She raised her son Solomon to love the Lord, she loved the Lord with all her heart and she served King David as her husband. She didn't harbor bitterness or unforgiveness. It is said that the Proverbs 31 woman was written by Solomon about Bathsheba.
Proverbs 31:29-31 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."
Bathsheba made the choice to forgive. She choose to allow God to work through the circumstances in her life, to make her stronger, to increase her faith, to bring Him glory. Her story is told now over 2000 years later because of the lifestyle of forgiveness that she lived.
After I made the decision to forgive those who had hurt me, He healed my heart, my hurts and restored my joy. Restored my peace. Restored my hope. He restored my ability to love. I can now see those that hurt me and see them through eyes of forgiveness. And it feels so good. I have peace that is unshaken. I have love for them. I can genuinely desire nothing but the best for them.
Through that season of "death" He brought me out of it so much stronger. I can look back on that time in my life and be thankful because it caused me to grow, to change, to rest in Him and be found in Him. And I know for a fact that had I not forgiven, I would still be in that valley of death now.
He is faithful, when we forgive, He will move on our behalf. He will restore all that was lost and some. I have more peace now that I ever have. I have more joy than I ever have. I laugh more, I live passionately. I extend mercy and grace when in the past I would have written people off and harbored unforgiveness.
Forgiveness is never about the other person, it's about you. I realized just because you don't forgive someone it doesn't cause that person to feel pain, it doesn't cause them to all of a sudden stop hurting you(if anything that usually increases), it doesn't hold them back. It affects you and you alone. And worst of all, it separates you from God. Choose to forgive and trust that no matter what, no matter how bad it hurts, God is still God and He is still in control. He fights for you. Although the battle rages, it's not your battle, it's His. Unforgiveness says I'm in control but forgiveness says He's in control.
Forgiveness is not only a lifestyle...it's MY lifestyle.
Thank you Jesus! I love you!
Michelle Nicole.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Do not worry
"Do not worry about your life..." Matthew 6:25
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" Matthew 6:27
The other day I was reading Matthew 6:25 and I noticed something I had never paid attention to before. Usually I would read through the whole scripture, therefore I tell you do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food and the body more important than clothes. I have probably read this scripture 50 times and had never really focused on the begining of the scripture, do not worry aobut your life.
Do you know how many hours, days even months I have spent worrying about my life? If you put all the times I have spent worrying about who I would marry, when I would marry, how many children I would have, would I have children, is this the right relationship, I'm sure it would amount to a very very long time. And really what have I added to my life by worrying about all that. How much time have I wasted?
When I read that scripture, do not worry about your life I was literally set free in my mind from a whole lot of worry. No longer do I worry about what the future holds. No more do I worry and fuss about not being married. I just trust. And live day by day.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own." Matthew 6:34
I don't need to worry about even tomorrow, let alone worry about the next few years.
When we walk around and are wrapped up in our own little world, caught up in our thoughts, worrying about stuff we can't control we miss out on the here and now. You come in contact with people all day long, at work, at the grocery store, at the gym, in your home and yet how many times have we walked past these people who God maybe wanted us to notice, to smile at, to speak to but we were too caught up in our own mind, worrying. I'm so guilty of this, my mind is usually going a hundred miles an hour, in a million different directions that I have gone to the store, grocery shopped for about an hour and can't tell you one person that I actually looked at, noticed, or even smiled at. And that's not okay.
All worrying really is is not trusting God. By me worrying about when I will get married, it is literally telling God, I don't trust you to bring me and my husband together. I don't trust you that you know what you're doing. I don't trust that you will bring this to pass. When that is nothing more than a lie. God you are in control of my life, You do know what you're doing, You do know the desires of my heart because You placed them there, and You will bring it to pass at the right time.
I no longer worry about my life. It is Yours God, do with it as you wish, I trust you. I know that your word says that you have good plans for me, not plans to harm me. Your word also says that it is not good for man to be alone, you will make a helper suitable for him. I am that helper. So there is nothing to worry about.
God, please open my eyes and open my heart to see those around me that You want me to notice. Use me, that I would be an effective tool in Your hand to reach out to those who need You.
You have called us to be a light in the darkness, not to be clouded in our minds and too preoccupied to be that light.
Thank you Jesus, for revealing Your truth to me, for showing me the error of my ways, for setting me free. I love you!
Michelle Nicole.
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" Matthew 6:27
The other day I was reading Matthew 6:25 and I noticed something I had never paid attention to before. Usually I would read through the whole scripture, therefore I tell you do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food and the body more important than clothes. I have probably read this scripture 50 times and had never really focused on the begining of the scripture, do not worry aobut your life.
Do you know how many hours, days even months I have spent worrying about my life? If you put all the times I have spent worrying about who I would marry, when I would marry, how many children I would have, would I have children, is this the right relationship, I'm sure it would amount to a very very long time. And really what have I added to my life by worrying about all that. How much time have I wasted?
When I read that scripture, do not worry about your life I was literally set free in my mind from a whole lot of worry. No longer do I worry about what the future holds. No more do I worry and fuss about not being married. I just trust. And live day by day.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own." Matthew 6:34
I don't need to worry about even tomorrow, let alone worry about the next few years.
When we walk around and are wrapped up in our own little world, caught up in our thoughts, worrying about stuff we can't control we miss out on the here and now. You come in contact with people all day long, at work, at the grocery store, at the gym, in your home and yet how many times have we walked past these people who God maybe wanted us to notice, to smile at, to speak to but we were too caught up in our own mind, worrying. I'm so guilty of this, my mind is usually going a hundred miles an hour, in a million different directions that I have gone to the store, grocery shopped for about an hour and can't tell you one person that I actually looked at, noticed, or even smiled at. And that's not okay.
All worrying really is is not trusting God. By me worrying about when I will get married, it is literally telling God, I don't trust you to bring me and my husband together. I don't trust you that you know what you're doing. I don't trust that you will bring this to pass. When that is nothing more than a lie. God you are in control of my life, You do know what you're doing, You do know the desires of my heart because You placed them there, and You will bring it to pass at the right time.
I no longer worry about my life. It is Yours God, do with it as you wish, I trust you. I know that your word says that you have good plans for me, not plans to harm me. Your word also says that it is not good for man to be alone, you will make a helper suitable for him. I am that helper. So there is nothing to worry about.
God, please open my eyes and open my heart to see those around me that You want me to notice. Use me, that I would be an effective tool in Your hand to reach out to those who need You.
You have called us to be a light in the darkness, not to be clouded in our minds and too preoccupied to be that light.
Thank you Jesus, for revealing Your truth to me, for showing me the error of my ways, for setting me free. I love you!
Michelle Nicole.
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