Day 23

Jesus,

This week has been amazing. I have felt You so close to me, literally closer than a brother. You have been by my side, encouraging me, loving me, helping me to dream. I have loved this week. I wish weeks like this could last forever, no more dry seasons, no more lonliness. I want to be fulfilled by You and You alone, always. This weekend You told me, that Your love was pure, that Your love was better than man's because man's love is flawed. And it is, man's love hurts, it has the ability to stir wonderful emotions inside of us but it also has the ability to destroy in an instant. Your love though never changes, it isn't contingent on anything, Your love never fails, it never brings me down.

As humans we put so many limits on love, we create our own definition of love but Your word is clear on what love is.

1 Corinthians 13: Love is patient, love is kind, love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it's own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

In that description there is no place where it says love hurts, love causes you pain. Because true love, pure love, the love that You give is perfect. As humans we are flawed, oh how I wish we were more like you because then there would never be divorce, there would never be domestic abuse, there would never be hate. If we all loved like You love, it would be heaven on earth. God please help me to love like You love, to not be prideful. Please remove all pride from my heart, please wash away all my hurts, heal my heart.

Pride is the killer of love. Pride is what says I am more important, who cares about anyone else including Jesus. Your word says that You hate pride. Because of Pride there is divorce, there are hurts, there is hatred. Because of Pride we fall. I want to have a thankful spirit, not a prideful one. When you bring people into my life it's not to show them how much better I am, or how much better my life is, it's to show them who is in my life that makes it so amazing, who's love is it that makes me want to smile all the time, who's blessed me and then in that show them the way to you, to my love.

There's nothing in my life that I can be prideful about, nothing is mine brought on by my own doing, everything is a gift from You. If I ever think of myself as better than others show me God, stop me and remind me that I am nothing but a sinner saved by Your grace and love. It's not by anything I did, but by Your perfect love that I am alive. Thank you for never giving up on me. I love you Jesus!

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

Day 18

By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. Phillippians 3:13-14 (The Message)

Jesus,

I am now almost a month into this new season of change and honestly I feel like I'm running but my tank is running on low. This week has been quite exhausting to say the least. I'm thankful that my dad is alive, and I'm thankful for my job but it seems like both of these things have run me ragged this week. I've been getting a lot of sleep because my body is physically worn-out but emotionally and spiritually I'm almost empty. I need you Jesus. Like the scripture says, I'm off and running and by no means do I wanna turn back, I just need a boost of energy from you Jesus.

It's like running, in the first couple of minutes it's not that bad, then about 15 minutes into it it starts to hurts and honestly from that first 15 minutes to the next 30 it feels like I can't go on, like I can't catch my breath, everything hurts but then after about 45 minutes I finally catch my stride and I feel like I could run forever. That's how I feel right now, like okay the first week this was fine, I was good, me and you were running this race and we were off to a good start. But now about 3 weeks into it, I feel like my world is crashing down, I feel dry, I feel lonely, I feel overwhelmed and defeated.

Exodus 15:2 says, The Lord is my strength and my song. You are my strength Jesus and the only way I will be able to finish this race is if you help me, if you lead me, if you take over. I know this week I haven't spent time with you, I've been trying to do all of this in my own strength and I realize I can't. I can't take another step if it's not with you. Refresh me Lord, take me by the hand, speak your words of encouragement to my soul, remind me of why I'm doing this, it's for us. Me and you Jesus.

Wash over me Jesus, remove all the junk, all the stress, anxiety, worry, lonliness and replace it with your love and your peace. I need you to hold me close when I'm feeling alone, I need to feel you there to dry all my tears, I need you God. For so long I have had that tangibly through Cesar. Anytime I felt sad, stressed, lonely, grumpy, whatever he was there, his arms were the ones I would run to and they would wrap me up and make me feel better. But now I run into your arms daddy, I don't have that security anymore from Cesar, I rest in you only. And I'm not gonna lie, it's hard daddy, not because I don't love you and dont want to run into your arms but because I'm so accustomed to having tangible arms around me. I miss him Jesus and going through this season without him has been hard. But I know you have a plan. And I know you love me and want to show me that during this season. I need to know that you love me God, I need to feel it now more than ever.

This weekend is yours, still me and speak to me, let me see through your eyes the road ahead, show me the next steps to take, light my path and never let go of my hand. I trust you, I love you, I rest in you. Thank you for your peace Jesus, thank you that your are working on my heart right now as I type this, thank you daddy.

This season is different, the path is uphill and rocky but with you I can do all things. Be with Cesar this season Jesus, give him strength when he is running low, give him encouragement when he feels defeated and give him a blast of your love everyday. I love you Jesus.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole.

Day 14

You must give up your right to decide what is good and evil on your own terms. To do that you must know me enought to trust me and learn to rest in my inherent goodness. - The Shack


Jesus,

When I read that statement tonight as I was reading "The Shack" it reminded me how there really is no good and evil in the grand scheme of things, at least from your point of view. That's not to say there aren't bad things that happen in this world, it just means that what we can sometimes call bad or evil, you have the ability to turn it all around for the good. Yes bad things have happened in my life, things that I would rather not go through again, I have had hurts, I have cried, I have wanted to desperately run away from things but I have come to realize that although at the time it seems unbearable in retrospect you turned it around for my good.

This season has had it's challenges. I have cried, I have wanted to scream, I have wanted to run away but I believe that one day I will look back and realize that even though this hurts it's gonna be an amazing part of my testimony. You will use this time in my life as a way for me to understand others and encourage them.

But I don't wanna stay in this season God. Tonight Pastor Joe talked about moving forward and how if we want you to help us move forward we have to be willing to allow you to change us first. God, I am open to you, I am open to your change. I will admit I normally despise change, I like the familiar and change always moves you out of the familiar and into the unknown. But I have also heard that change happens when it hurts more to stay where you're at than to move forward.

And that's exactly where I'm at. Jesus, I ask that you would please help me to navigate through this season and not let me be here for 40 years when it should only take 11 days. Shield me from all attacks of the enemy, protect my mind, protect my heart. Be my encourager when the rest of the world tries to tear me down, me my husband and hide me under your wing. I love you and I rest in you.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole.

Day 13

Jesus,

I hurt. Come rescue me. I need you. Why do I hurt so bad? Why won't these tears stop flowing? Why can't I quit and just be with you?

You are the King of kings, your are the Lord of lords and you're my father. I am your princess Jesus but why don't I feel like one. Why am I not treated like one? There's so many questions in my heart Jesus. But my value doesn't come from how I am treated by those around me, I know it comes from you. Please come to my rescue Jesus, hide me under your wing, put a sheild of protection around me and take me away, far far away with you. Operate on my heart Jesus because it's broken again. I rest in you daddy.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

Day 11

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." - Colossians 3:2

Jesus,

You see me, even though I am one in a million on this globe, you see me, you notice me, you care about me. When I think of how big the globe is and how when you look at earth from space, I am smaller than the size of an ant. To the human eye looking at the globe from afar in space a person would seem insignificant in size to the rest of the world, to the mountains, the oceans, the land but to you I am significant. To think you created all those huge things that can be seen from space just so I could see the beauty of your work. You created all those things for my pleasure, for me to enjoy. It amazes me how much you care and love each individual person on this globe.

When I think of it in terms that I could understand it's like if I were to go outside and find an ant and be interested in its day, in what its doing, so much so that I would take care of it and protect it. That to me would seem pointless, why would I care so much about an ant when I have so many other things going on, yet you see me who is smaller than an ant in comparison with the whole globe and you care about me, love me, protect me and get into my world. The way you love us, your creation is amazing! You truly do care about every person on this globe, even those currently sinning and away from you. You love us even before we love you, you chose us even though we don't always chose. Thank you God for loving me.

For I know that I don't belong in this world, I belong in heaven and one day I will go back there. But for now help me to have your perspective, to see those around me, to notice the small seemingly insignificant things, to notice those that you notice. Help me to set my mind on things above and not earthly things. To not be so wrapped up in my world, but to look outside myself through your eyes, to see the "ants", the little things that to me might not seem important but that to you are.

Jesus, your glorious, your lovely, your mine and I am yours, I love you. Thank you that even when my schedule is busy and work is consuming so much of my time you can still me and remind me of what really is important. Yes the work that I do is important, yes I should work as unto you but you remind me to never lose sight of what you see, to never grow so busy that I don't stop to see those around me that you have placed around me to be Jesus to. Break this heart of mine and make it sensitive to you, that I would move when you move, that I would speak when you want to say something to someone, that I would respond to what you are trying to do. Don't ever let me get so busy that I stop being the light that you have called me to be, because outside of that all this is but a vapor. I love you Jesus.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole.

Day 8

Jesus

My co-worker is going through some things and while I know that you can help her and save her I find myself at a loss for words at times. In retrospect I always know I could have said more about you, I could have done more, I could have prayed for her, I could have seized the moment. My mom always seems to just have all these scriptures that I could say or whatever but I don't know, a lot of times that turns me off to the word. I wll hear her get so gung-ho about the word that I totally shut down. I don't wanna do that to people.

Not to discredit my mom's ministry at all Jesus, I know that you have used my mom in a mighty way to minister to those around her including me at times. But you have created me different, you have made me with a different personality, a different mindset, a different approach to reaching out to the lost. But in that though I don't want to be too quiet that those around me don't know you. I don't want to be too scared to say too much about you because really you are the only one that can help Amy. You do love her and have a plan for her life just like mine.

God, please guide me and give me the words to say at the right time. Show her how much you love her through me. I pray that when I speak to her it would be your words Jesus, I pray that when I hug her she would feel your love. Remove all fear that may try and get me to shut my mouth and not talk about you. Save Amy, Jesus.

Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Jesus, the desire of my heart is that Amy would be saved. Use me God. I love you.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

Day 7

Jesus,

Today I fell in love. Today my heart was awakened to a love that I had been longing for, a love that gives you butterflies in your stomach, that makes you smile so big, that makes you giggle in excitement and overwhelming joy. Today my whole world became a whole lot brighter....because of Love.

Today I felt girly, I felt adored, I felt chosen, I felt like I was your favorite. Today was the start of a beautiful new realtionship, a relationship that will never be taken away, a relationship that I was always meant to have, that has been in my heart forever...I was just asleep to it.

It's funny how when your in love everything is so much better. It's as if all your senses are that much more heightened, you feel deeper things, you love others more, you have greater compassion, you laugh harder, you smile...all the time, you feel like your floating on a cloud, like nothing could ever go wrong.

I loved geeking out with you today. I loved worshipping you today for who you are, for being mine, and for chosing me to be yours. I love our inside jokes, I love how even though everyone else was worshipping you, you only had eyes for me. You made me feel like I was the only one in the room. I adore you Jesus. I love being yours.

You chose me, you love me, you romance me, you make me laugh so hard, you get me, you surprise me, you never leave me, you encourage me, your what I've always wanted and yet thought I could only get in a human.

This next year of my life is yours and only yours. My status is...in a relationship :) I love you.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

Day 5

Healer:
I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

Trust: means to allow without fear

Jesus,

As I listened to this worship song, I sang that I trust You, that nothing is impossible for You, that Your all I need yet in my heart I knew I hadn't completely put all my trust in you regarding some situations. If trust means to allow without fear then why do I still fear I won't get my relationship back, which honestly it's not even mine to claim back, why do I still have fear that my dad could leave without knowing You. Why do I cry everytime I think about my dad and the fact that he doesn't know You? If I trust in You like I say I do then I shouldn't have fear.

You are the God of the universe, You do miracles, You bring healing to the hurt, provision for the needy, hope to the lost yet I don't fully trust you will give me the desires of my heart. Why? Why do I fear? There's so many times that I envy those who grew up with daddy's, daddy's who never let them down, daddy's who would always give them the desire of their heart, daddy's who showered them with love. I always wished I had that, because I alway felt that would help me understand my heavenly father better. But that wasn't my life, I very much grew up with the exact opposite and therefore always feared that just like my earthly daddy, my heavenly daddy wouldn't come through. And that's not okay.

Jesus, I need healing in my heart, in my mind, in my spirit. To imagine a father that loves me, that looks at me with tenderness and wants nothing more than to make me happy is so foreign to me but that's how you feel about me. I'm sorry God that I haven't completely trusted in you, that I've tried to hang on when I needed to let go, that I've begged when I needed to just thank you and trust. Jesus, I place my fears in Your hands. I'm letting go. Set me free Jesus. Erase all the hurts, all the disappointments, all the times I accepted what wasn't okay and then thought you were the same.

Help me to understand a love that never leaves me, a love that thinks the best of me, that believes in me, that encourages me, that wants all my dreams and desires to come true, help me to feel that. Jesus, my daddy needs you and instead of beggining you to save him, I'm gonna thank you for his salvation. It is the desire of my heart and I trust in you. Jesus, I let go of Cesar and this relationship that I had so perfectly planned in my head to go differently. I let go Jesus. I give him to you and take my hands off. Fill my heart Jesus, pour your love over me, comfort me. I place my dependence back on You Jesus. And I trust you to do Your will, not mine and my ideas but Yours Jesus.

This hurts. Jesus cut the soul ties that were created. Cut the co-dependence that we created. And make us whole again. I willfully submit to you Jesus. Take me in Your arms and tell me you love me, that you chose me, that you will never leave me Jesus. Everything that was done wrong, erase and make right again Jesus. I trust you. I will not fear. Even thought it's hard, nothing is impossible for you God. Nothing. I love you.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

Day 3

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jesus,

This season has not been comfortable, at all. You have removed my comfort zone, my core circle of friends, the one's that really know me, the one's that really know my heart have moved. First Caitlin, then Stacy and now Cesar. This isn't easy God. This isn't what I had planned. I feel lonely at times. But.....I submit to your plan God, not mine but yours. I know that your word says that you have good plans for me, plans to give me a hope and a future. You know what you're doing. Just give me the strength to get through, wrap me in your arms when I get lonely and cry all by myself, encourage me when it gets hard, make me smile when I feel like frowning, let your word bubble up in my spirit when I'm feeling confused and give me abundant joy and love for those around me.

During worship today I broke down crying, pleading for your strength God because I know that you have work for me to do and I'm not gonna be able to do it without your strength. Before I would have run to my bestfriends but now I gotta run to you and I'm sorry that I had it backwards before God. I'm sorry that they were my foundation and not you. No wonder a part of me feels so lonely without them. Thank you for my friends Jesus.

But my friends were never supposed to replace Jesus in my life, my friends were supposed to add to the life that Jesus was already a part of. Yes my foundation was rocked, yes I have cried over them but Jesus I know you are setting things back how they should have been originally. You are my foundation and I will stand on you. I will not be shaken, I will not be moved. Right now I'm writing this more by faith because internally right now I am shaken, I am feeling the void. Jesus I ask you to come into my heart like a flood and fill that void. As tears stream down my face, I know that you are moving. I need you.

Michelle Nicole

Day 2

Jesus

Today was somewhat of a rough day but I made it. Work was frustrating but you gave me strength to press through. I didn't want to work out but you reminded me to persevere even though I was tired and unmotivated. Honestly, looking back it wasn't that bad of a day at all. In the grand scheme of things, I had a better day than most people on this planet. I had food to eat, clothes on my back, good health, a job, family and friends that love me and encourage me. I am blessed.

Many times I know I can get so focused on myself and my problems but in reality they're not big problems, they're not even problems at all usually just mini-hurdles. Thank you for nudging me forward everyday, for giving me strength to do the tasks that lay before me, for loving me through my friends and family, for protecting me, surrounding me with your mercy and love, for giving me this amazing life and writing a pretty sweet story for me to live out.

God help me to take my eyes off of me, to see through your eyes. To notice those around me that need you. To give me compassion for the lost and hurting and not just walk past them because I have my own sweet life. Give me your heart for people, forgive me for all the times I could have done more but was too lazy or too focused on my world and my problems.

You have given me so much, even when you take away, you give. You took my relationship away but you gave me my bestfriend back. Your a loving God, a loving father and I know you know what's best. This season is for you, so use me. I know that's kind of a scary prayer because it will mean I will have work to do but it's the very least I can do for my father who loves me. I want to serve you in all I do. To serve those around me, those you've placed in my life and those you place in my path. Open my eyes Lord, open my heart, heal my wounds and send me, I'm here. Amen.

I love you daddy. Goodnight.

Michelle Nicole

Day 1

Jesus

My bestfriend moved to Burnet today. And while I know you have a plan for him out there, I really do miss him. Jesus, thank you for never giving up on us. Thank you for loving us even when we fail you. Thank you for seeing past the present and wanting the best for us.

Jesus, I'm sorry for all the times I placed you aside in favor of something else, facebook, friends, my relationship. I'm sorry for all the times you tried to get my attention but I was too busy living "my life" to stop and seek after you, to worship you, to thank you. I don't wanna have a shallow relationship with you. I want to know you more, I want to fall in love with you so much that nothing else matters. People's opinions of me don't matter, man's approval doesn't matter....I want to be free to be me in You. Today, I chose you Jesus. Today will be the start of something different. Save me, help me, guide me, love me....take the blinders off and open my eyes to see what you see and dream like you dream. Take me on an adventure.

I love you. Amen.

Michelle Nicole