Family

A little over a week ago I was laying in bed talking with Jesus and was pouring my heart out to Him. I was being honest with Him and asking Him some pretty direct questions.

"God, why hasn't my husband arrived? Why am I not married? Do you think I'd be some kind of awful wife and that's why I'm not married? Is there something wrong with me? Is there some lesson I haven't learned yet? God, what is it? Why am I single? I need to know because this being single isn't fun anymore? I need to know the reason."

And I heard...

"I'm giving you more time with your family. This season is for you to spend time with your family."

And I'm not gonna lie it somewhat freaked me out at first, I was like why Jesus, are they going to die or something? But He gave me peace that that wasn't the case. To be honest my mom has always talked about the nations. She is originally from El Salvador and I know that it is her heart's desire to one day go back and preach to her people about Jesus. She's always telling me how she would love to go back there, to go to all Latin American nations and preach the good news. So who knows maybe when I get married she'll be gone to the nations and I won't see her very often. Or who knows, maybe shortly after I get married, my husband and I will move. Either way it comforted me that God knows the plans He has for me and He knows the future, and has given me this season to spend time with my family.

It's only been about a week and a half but that revelation has really made me shift my priorities. I stay home a lot more often now, I try and cook dinner for them as often as I can, I left my church to go to church with my parents and serve alongside them, I have rearranged my schedule to make my family and serving them a focal point of this season. If God has given me this extended season of singleness to spend with my family then I am definitely going to take advantage of it and enjoy my family.

Ecclesiastes 3:1
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.

I have the most amazing parents in the world. They both absolutely love Jesus and encourage me everyday. My parents are incredible. My mom will pray down heaven for me. She would do anything for me. She is a treasure, a gift to me from Jesus. My brother is the best brother in the world. He is my best friend. He has my back. He loves me unconditionally and is my biggest encourager. My step-dad has such a servant's heart, there is nothing he wouldn't do for me. I am truly blessed to call them my family and I will soak up this time with them.

Thank you Jesus for this season and the gift that it has been for me. I love you! Show me everyday how I can serve my family better, how I can love them more, how I can be you to them. Amen.

-Michelle

Do you feel like you are going through an extended season of singleness, or without a job, or whatever and want to know why? Ask Jesus. Allow Him to comfort you and allow Him to reveal the meaning of this season?

Court date

I had a court date, I had committed the crime that I was being accused of and I was on trial. I knew I was guilty and my tears weren't going to get me out of this one. The accuser was telling the judge how I was guilty of this that and the other and he was right, I didn't have an excuse. And while I sat there waiting to hear my judgement that I fully deserved the judge did something unbelievable. He stepped down into my seat and took all the blame for me. He took the sentence, He served the time, He paid the price.

Nobody would do that for another, nobody on earth would take the blame for your sins but that's exactly what Jesus did for me. He took it all and wiped my sentence clean, He gave me a fresh start, even though I had willingly sinned, even though I had known it wasn't okay, He took it all and forgave me. He took my place.

Tonight while we were in worship at church we sang a song called A beautiful exchange by Hillsong and it reminded me of how good my God is, how He carried all my blame, He broke the curse all for my redemption. He took my place when He died on the cross, He died so I could live, He died so that I could be made new, He died so that I could be forgiven.

That's the Jesus that I serve. I may not live my life like most young adults my age, I may live by a different standard but it's because I was guilty yet the judge wiped my slate clean. I bet anyone who has stood before an actual judge would act very different if they knew the judge had not only paid their bail but served their sentence. They would be eternally grateful and would live in a way that would show the judge they're gratitude. They wouldn't live their life haphazardly.

My Jesus took my place, He extended grace, He loved me back to wholeness, He gave me a new life, He blessed me, when I was guilty and didn't deserve it. That's my Jesus. That's my Saviour. And that's why I love Him.

-Michelle Nicole

It's not a fairy-tale, it's reality

I am very much a romantic at heart. I love everything about love. I love the butterflies you get when that special someone walks into the room. I love the smile that instantly comes across your face when that special someone's name pops up on your phone. Love is the best feeling in the world!

My friends who really know me would say I live in a fairy tale land sometimes because I want that fairy tale relationship. I want a relationship where we are passionately in love, where we do sweet things for eachother because we want to, where we cherish, value and adore eachother, where we want nothing but the best for eachother. I want that relationship where if I'm having a rough day he goes to the store and gets me a flower and surprises me with it when I get home, or on our wedding day sends me a card that says how excited he is to share the rest of his life with me, or calls me just to say he was thinking about me and loves me, not because he feels he has to but because he wants to. That's the love that I want. And there's no reason why that should only happen in fairy tales. For every person that has tried to burst my bubble I say no to their complacent thinking, I say no to settling for anything less than love how Jesus loves me, I say no to someone loving me lazily. My Jesus romances me, He loves me, He surprises me, He reminds me everyday that He choses to spend time with me, that I am His whole world, that there is nothing He wouldn't do for me, that He has nothing but the best in store for me. So why would I settle for anything less in a husband.

I am done with people saying, oh guys aren't romantic, or guys don't do that stuff, or that only happens in the movies. When someone really loves you they will show it.

My future husband will love me like Jesus loves me, he will value me, cherish me, he will enjoy being my hero and I will enjoy being his girl.

And believe me, my man will be the most loved, respected, honored, cherished man on the planet!

Can't wait! :)

-Michelle Nicole

He reigns

Philippians 2:9-11:

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and earth and under the earth, and every tounge confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

The name of Jesus is above every name. His name is above pride, depression, fear, anxiety, worry, stress, sickness, lonliness and your past. This morning I awoke from a dream of my past, a dream that stirred emotions of fear and sadness. Your past has a way of doing that, of brining back memories, of taking you back to a place where your heart no longer belongs.

When you're in the thick of it, when you're in sin, you think God please fix it. I know I did, I thought God I know we've done wrong, I know that this isn't right but please fix it. And you think God, if you could fix this it would be a great testimony. But to be honest, that part of the past, the sin must die. Your past cannot walk with you into the future God has for you.

That is not to say that God can't fix broken relationships or sinful pasts, but in order for Him to have something to work with you've gotta give it to him...all of it and then let that past die.

He reigns. His name is above all. He loves you. He has a plan. Let His love remove the fear. Your past won't compare with the riches and glory He has in store for your future.

Jesus, you reign, thank you for encouraging me along the journey, thank you that you have greatness in store for my future, thank you for being my all, my everything, my source of comfort and strength. I love you

-Michelle Nicole

Breakdown to Breakthrough

Have you ever had one of those weeks where it felt like all hell broke loose over your life? Where everything that could go wrong did? And seriously not one area of your life wasn't under attack? Welcome to the last 2 weeks of my life. Now I'm not gonna lie usually when this happens I've always associated it with, well I must have done something bad to bring this on my life. But this time, it was different, I haven't done anything wrong, in fact I've been doing a lot of things right, so how is it that all this chaos has been brought on?

I love my job but lately its been extremely stressful, busy, non-stop and oh did I mention stressful. I have noticed myself being really short with co-workers, not having patience, being harsh and that's not like me. Then with my family, my brother moved out last week due to some very unwise decisions and it caused a lot of drama at home. My mind has been under severe attack, while I'm awake, while I'm asleep, at all times. I have been feeling really low self-worth, feeling very defeated, feeling very alone. Oh and then this season of singleness has really caused some anxiety and depression. Feelings of, "Lord will I ever marry?", "why am I not married yet, am I some kind of loser that nobody wants to marry?", "how will I even meet my husband when I don't even talk to any guys and the few guys that are my friends aren't anybody that I would ever even want to date", and so on and so forth.

So in a nutshell that has been my life the last two weeks. And today I was at my wits end, I basically felt like, Lord if I don't have some kind of breakthrough tonight at church then I'm seriously gonna have a mental breakdown. The weight of all the chaos had just about broke me. And then tonight happened. During worship tonight I just poured my heart out to God and said, Lord I don't trust you. I don't trust that you've got me. I'm so down. I....need....You. And like a flood He rushed in, He covered me with His peace, He gave me strength, He told me to not let go but to keep holding on. To keep trusting Him even though my eyes don't see the way out of this desert season. And that's all it took. Hearing His voice of reassurance, His voice saying, "baby don't let go, I'm here, I've got you", for me to go from near breakdown to breakthrough.

We all have those days, those weeks where it feels like if it's not one thing it's another and we just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But God is faithful, He never leaves us, and even when we don't see the way out, He reminds us to hold on because He will make a way. He has a plan. Trust Him.

You don't have to be perfect. Talk to Him, be honest about where you heart is and rest assured that He will meet you where you are.

My circumstances didn't change, my brother is still gone, my piles of paperwork will still be there tomorrow when I arrive at work, I'm still single but He renewed my strength to hold on. Because it's only in holding on, in persevering that we are able to see the miracle at the end of it all.

Isaiah 43:19 "I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

-Michelle Nicole

Running 100 miles an hour

I seem to only operate in 2 speeds, 100 miles an hour or 0. And it's honestly exhausting. I need to learn how to cruise, still going forward, but not at break neck speed. I need to slow down, I need to rest, I need to make sure I don't burn out.

Last year I purchased my dream car and I love my car, but I treat it well, I don't go from zero to 100 every time I drive it. I slowly increase the speed and slowly decrease the speed maintaining the speed limit. Yet when it comes to my life, I don't take care of myself that much and God has shown me that a.) I need to rest and b.) I need to have self-discipline.

I don't have any children of my own, but I do know plenty of people who have babies and they all seem to say the same thing. Babies and small children need to be on a schedule, they need to get proper rest, they need routine. Why? Because they will function better with a schedule. Well, I think that shouldn't only apply to babies. It should apply to everyone. I can't function at my best when I'm tired, when I have been eating junk all week, when I haven't been taking care of myself.

So during this season, that is what I am trying to learn. To be disciplined. To be on a schedule. To go to bed at a certain time, to wake up at a certain time everyday, to eat better, to make time for rest. I can't continue living the way I have, I can't keep running 100 miles an hour and then burnout and do zero for a few days only to run 100 miles an hour again and burnout the next month. It's not healthy. It's not Godly.

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Self-control is just another word for discipline. If you are disciplined in one area of your life, it will eventually spill over into other areas. But the opposite is true too, if you do whatever you want in one area, I bet you do whatever you want in other areas of your life.

I personally need to be disciplined in my eating, resting, finances and there's no better time than the present to start.

Jesus, I give you control over my schedule, I give you control over my finances, over my eating habits, over everything.

Luke 16:10 Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with very much.

Jesus, right now I'm only in charge of me. Later on down my life journey I will be responsible for a family, help me to be self-disciplined. To persevere, to be fully present, to not run exhausted but to be energized and available to do those things which matter. Help me to say no enough so that I can say yes when you need me to. Help me to be responsible with the time that you have blessed me with.

In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Rooting for you,

Michelle Nicole

In what areas of your life do you need to be disciplined in? Start this
week. Make a change.