Breakdown to Breakthrough

Have you ever had one of those weeks where it felt like all hell broke loose over your life? Where everything that could go wrong did? And seriously not one area of your life wasn't under attack? Welcome to the last 2 weeks of my life. Now I'm not gonna lie usually when this happens I've always associated it with, well I must have done something bad to bring this on my life. But this time, it was different, I haven't done anything wrong, in fact I've been doing a lot of things right, so how is it that all this chaos has been brought on?

I love my job but lately its been extremely stressful, busy, non-stop and oh did I mention stressful. I have noticed myself being really short with co-workers, not having patience, being harsh and that's not like me. Then with my family, my brother moved out last week due to some very unwise decisions and it caused a lot of drama at home. My mind has been under severe attack, while I'm awake, while I'm asleep, at all times. I have been feeling really low self-worth, feeling very defeated, feeling very alone. Oh and then this season of singleness has really caused some anxiety and depression. Feelings of, "Lord will I ever marry?", "why am I not married yet, am I some kind of loser that nobody wants to marry?", "how will I even meet my husband when I don't even talk to any guys and the few guys that are my friends aren't anybody that I would ever even want to date", and so on and so forth.

So in a nutshell that has been my life the last two weeks. And today I was at my wits end, I basically felt like, Lord if I don't have some kind of breakthrough tonight at church then I'm seriously gonna have a mental breakdown. The weight of all the chaos had just about broke me. And then tonight happened. During worship tonight I just poured my heart out to God and said, Lord I don't trust you. I don't trust that you've got me. I'm so down. I....need....You. And like a flood He rushed in, He covered me with His peace, He gave me strength, He told me to not let go but to keep holding on. To keep trusting Him even though my eyes don't see the way out of this desert season. And that's all it took. Hearing His voice of reassurance, His voice saying, "baby don't let go, I'm here, I've got you", for me to go from near breakdown to breakthrough.

We all have those days, those weeks where it feels like if it's not one thing it's another and we just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But God is faithful, He never leaves us, and even when we don't see the way out, He reminds us to hold on because He will make a way. He has a plan. Trust Him.

You don't have to be perfect. Talk to Him, be honest about where you heart is and rest assured that He will meet you where you are.

My circumstances didn't change, my brother is still gone, my piles of paperwork will still be there tomorrow when I arrive at work, I'm still single but He renewed my strength to hold on. Because it's only in holding on, in persevering that we are able to see the miracle at the end of it all.

Isaiah 43:19 "I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

-Michelle Nicole