Day 18

By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. Phillippians 3:13-14 (The Message)

Jesus,

I am now almost a month into this new season of change and honestly I feel like I'm running but my tank is running on low. This week has been quite exhausting to say the least. I'm thankful that my dad is alive, and I'm thankful for my job but it seems like both of these things have run me ragged this week. I've been getting a lot of sleep because my body is physically worn-out but emotionally and spiritually I'm almost empty. I need you Jesus. Like the scripture says, I'm off and running and by no means do I wanna turn back, I just need a boost of energy from you Jesus.

It's like running, in the first couple of minutes it's not that bad, then about 15 minutes into it it starts to hurts and honestly from that first 15 minutes to the next 30 it feels like I can't go on, like I can't catch my breath, everything hurts but then after about 45 minutes I finally catch my stride and I feel like I could run forever. That's how I feel right now, like okay the first week this was fine, I was good, me and you were running this race and we were off to a good start. But now about 3 weeks into it, I feel like my world is crashing down, I feel dry, I feel lonely, I feel overwhelmed and defeated.

Exodus 15:2 says, The Lord is my strength and my song. You are my strength Jesus and the only way I will be able to finish this race is if you help me, if you lead me, if you take over. I know this week I haven't spent time with you, I've been trying to do all of this in my own strength and I realize I can't. I can't take another step if it's not with you. Refresh me Lord, take me by the hand, speak your words of encouragement to my soul, remind me of why I'm doing this, it's for us. Me and you Jesus.

Wash over me Jesus, remove all the junk, all the stress, anxiety, worry, lonliness and replace it with your love and your peace. I need you to hold me close when I'm feeling alone, I need to feel you there to dry all my tears, I need you God. For so long I have had that tangibly through Cesar. Anytime I felt sad, stressed, lonely, grumpy, whatever he was there, his arms were the ones I would run to and they would wrap me up and make me feel better. But now I run into your arms daddy, I don't have that security anymore from Cesar, I rest in you only. And I'm not gonna lie, it's hard daddy, not because I don't love you and dont want to run into your arms but because I'm so accustomed to having tangible arms around me. I miss him Jesus and going through this season without him has been hard. But I know you have a plan. And I know you love me and want to show me that during this season. I need to know that you love me God, I need to feel it now more than ever.

This weekend is yours, still me and speak to me, let me see through your eyes the road ahead, show me the next steps to take, light my path and never let go of my hand. I trust you, I love you, I rest in you. Thank you for your peace Jesus, thank you that your are working on my heart right now as I type this, thank you daddy.

This season is different, the path is uphill and rocky but with you I can do all things. Be with Cesar this season Jesus, give him strength when he is running low, give him encouragement when he feels defeated and give him a blast of your love everyday. I love you Jesus.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole.